Things that will always make life better :)

Warm, fluffy socks.
Hot chocolate.
Snuggly hoodies.
Your friends - ring them, they're clever people.
Dog on your feet.
Sticking your head among the warm washing in a tumble dryer.
Chocolate.
Pancakes.
Being around people you don't know.
Sunshine.
Lying on the trampoline.
Sleep. And if you're not sleeping, being in bed under three duvets - regardless of the weather.
Warm baths. With candles/incense. And good light.
Hugs.
Hugs with dogs.
Lying in the dog's bed with her. But only when you've just washed it.
New clothes.
New earrings.
Old photos.
Old memories.
Big places - cathedrals, beaches, awesome coast. Anything that's just so beautiful and expansive it takes your breath away.
Quotes. Good ones. Or funny ones.

Steer clear of books and music and films and TV. They'll only upset you more, and you'll think that's helping. It's not.

I am ever so happy. Ever so happy.

A Weekend's Thoughts in a Nutshell...

The thing about pain is that it is simply a message stimulated by the nervous system to reach your brain. It has no physical existence, so if you can learn to ignore the neurons transmitting messages of pain, you can learn to ignore pain. That's basic. It's how people before anaesthetic still managed to undergo surgery whilst in full consciousness. Sometimes, the pain is so great that the brain automatically shuts it out. But basically, you don't have to feel it.

So then that begs the question, why does the message of pain even get transmitted in the first place? To which there are two answers. The first is the most scientific, and is that without pain, we would not acknowledge things that needed our attention - for example a broken bone or infected wound. Just as without hunger we wouldn't know to eat, without pain, we wouldn't know something was wrong, and we wouldn't do anything about it. The second reason is more philosophical, and applies more to a pain of emotions, but does also apply to physical pain.  This reason is that without pain, we would not know what it is like to be without it. We would know nothing but comfort, and then comfort could not really be defined as comfort, as there would be nothing worse. You have to have a contrast, a worse situation, to be able to appreciate a better situation. And without being able to appreciate a better situation, how would you ever find enjoyment in anything?

Moral of the story? Pain is good. Or at least, pain is necessary, otherwise we would not know what it was like to feel happy, or painless, or good.

Stealing, Carol Ann Duffy

"...Sometimes I steal things I don't need. I joy-ride cars
to nowhere, break into houses just to have a look.
I'm a mucky ghost, leave a mess, maybe pinch a camera.
I wach my gloved hand twisting he doorknob.
A stranger's bedroom. Mirrors. I sigh like his - Aah..."

My Grandma's house got broken into today. She left at about twelve and came in at 3pm.

"As I drove in round he back I saw the gate swinging open and thought the wind must've blown it loose, because I'm always very careful to close it properly behind me so it doesn't swing and bang the latch. When I got to the back door, I had my key out ready to open it up and saw shards of white plastic lying around. I thought 'That's odd.' It was then that I realised I'd been burgled. I walked around the front and knocked on Beryl's door. She let me call 999."

I hope they catch the bastards.

"They used a spade to get in. They just smashed in the bottom panel of my front door. And then they found the key to the French windows in the dresser in the dining room. That's how they let themselves out."

She looks like she can't even cry. She's got that resigned look, where you've lost something of such great value that you just cannot comprehend quite what's gone. Vacant almost. I've been crying for her.

"They'd been through every bedroom, going through all the drawers and cupboards. They didn't find much money but they took my good jewellery. The necklace your mummy got me for my 70th... a double string of pearls your grandpa bought me for our wedding... seeded pearls he bought me on holiday... that silver necklace I showed you yesterday, in case you wanted to borrow it for prom... It's not that it's worth money, it's that I've had it so long, and it means so much to me... All my good jewellery. They've left me nothing."

And then, a complete afterthought:

"Oh, they took my laptop, by the way. So don't bother sending me any emails. I shan't get them." 

Can't you see that you haven't robbed her of her money, you've robbed her of her memories. She doesn't care for the laptop, probably worth most of all that was taken. Little trinkets, all of value, all given to her for something important. It's not money you're stealing, it's little bits of her life. Don't you people understand that? They were proffessionals, the police said; they knew what they were looking for, they left all the cheap jewellery. They wore gloves; they can't be caught. My grandma. She's only just in her early seventies, but she looked at least another ten years older when she walked into the loungue. And the first thing she said, not "I've lost everything!" No. She asked me how I was.

This is one of the most selfless people I know. She teaches me so much. And you've robbed her of her memories. My poor, lonely Grandma. And you've taken away from her when she had so little to start with. You aren't stealing money. You're stealing her life. What kind of people are you?

"And the strangest thing, they'd taken a box of ham out of the fridge, but they left a slice on top of the freezer by the front door. And another in the dining room. And another on the window sill of my bedroom. If they were hungry, they could've shoved it into their mouths."

And then, my sweet grandma tried to smile,

"Bugger them."

A forced laugh.

"If you'll excuse my French."

 

 

"Even the biggest failure beats the hell out of never trying."

Yesterday evening, they made me play piccolo...

While I do love the piccolo, at home, when there's nobody else in, when I'm feeling particularly ambitious, it is totally unfair how last night went! Well, just this week in general, as far as piccolos are concerned.

On Saturday, my dad revealed to Cathy (whilst at the Garden Party, watching me fail on the alto flute) that I own a piccolo. She told me to bring it to my lesson on Thursday, which I did, with a slighly worried sense of dread. But we didn't have time to play it in my lesson, so I thought I was free... but no. Just as I was leaving Maestros, we walked past John (Training Band conductor) and Cathy thought it'd be a good idea to let him know I had a piccolo. He told me to bring it to band the next day. 

Friday, piccolo in bag, with the intention of keeping it there, I turned up to Mezzos and Bryony immediately declared "Alicia! Is that your piccolo!? Maybe you should play it today!" (because she's such a good friend ;) ) Tess was all set to make me play it, when we decided to merge with seniors, so I was left playing it next to somebody who is actually a bit of a picc god, if I'm honest, feeling a little silly - at least with bass and alto they're low pitched, so nobody hears if you make a mistake. Everyone hears the picc. Cathy said I played well, considering the circumstances. I laughed.

Training Band was less embarassing, due to the fact that nobody can hear you, because the saxs and brass drown everyone else out ;) but still... piccolo D:

At the same time, I do love the piccolo, and now have an incentive to actually practice it, so I don't sound like a fool. Which is all good, I think :S

xxxxxx

That one time of year when the infant school has their summer fair... argh.

I get this every year, for one day, all day. They insist on hiring some guy with a massive microphone and speaker system. His voice is whining through my house... Darnit!
I decided to cover this disturbance up by rediscovering Spotify... which you have got to love, despite this new "only play songs a certain number of times" policy! I mean, seriously?
But whatever, I'm listening to Aqualung :) joy joy joy

Actually, it was the Garden Party today, so I probably ought to mention that... The performances were all fine, even Mezzos! :O
My dad took the opportunity of telling Cathy that I have a piccolo :S so I'll be expected to take that to my lesson on Thursday. Although... piccolo is really fun to play, so if I can learn to play it nicely, that'd be good...
Thursday also, Cathy will lend me her old open-holed flute, to see if I could cope with one - as I'm (probably hopefully) finally getting a silver flute in summer, and we have to decide open or closed holed... So that'll be nice. Nicer than my own anyway.

More about the Garden Party... Uh, I hung out with unusual people, as seems to be becoming customary for me. Tristan was around for a while, who I've never really had a chance to speak to much. Also David Sharman, who I don't really speak to enough either. And then just anyone I could pick up really... I don't know, I just seemed to end up with people I'd never really spoken to much. It was fun. Also Mark was around for some of the time, as were Lucy, George and Stuje. Oh, and Aaron, who's insane at the moment for some reason. He felt the need to dance about and sing... weirdly. But anything goes around me these days, if I'm perfectly honest.

I need to go, because we're going out for dinner later.
Bye xxxxx