Oooh, I get by with a little help from my friends Google Translate :)

Freeeennnnccchhh!
Genuinely worried for my GCSE now. It's not even funny how behind I am, and how I can't seem to do it! I'm sure French never used to be this hard. But then, that was in year 9.... life was so easy back then!
Anyway, I managed to get through my mental wall! Or that's what I think it was. I'd done my English practice paper, and my overdue History (hey, I wasn't in on Monday morning, not entirely my fault, well yeah, OK I forgot to hand it in....) and then I sat down, got out my textbook and folder and dictionary and a word document. Read the excercise and said out loud, despairingly,
"I can't do this."
But before the typical negative response I get from my brain (completely berrating me - yeah, thanks brain!) kicked in, as it usually does, I somehow managed to curb it, and get on with it. I've now produced a 267 word piece that can actually pass off as half decent French - I hope.

I haven't said much about music in ages now, have I? Ok, well since I last wrote about it all those months ago, I've discovered Amy MacDonald, Muse, Jack's Manequin, Relient K, Marina and the Diamonds and a load of others.

I'm well aware posts about school aren't particularly interesting, but I'm trying to avoid discussing my brace any more, because everyone's heard it to death. It does hurt though....
I'm on painkillers all the time (have been since I had my teeth out on Saturday) but now Daddy's worried I'll get addicted, and Andrew's being very firm that I should stop taking them soon, so I guess I'll just have to get used to them... damn.
I should thank Rachel Pegrum, though, who advised sucking on ice as an alternative to painkillers. Just to let you know, my dear, that tonight I've devoured two ice cubes, and both greatly helped, somehow. So thank you.

I'm generally quite a happy person at the moment. Having trouble getting all my schoolwork done, but I think I can blag it. Until Friday, when I'm going to Germany with school for the weekend (which I am SO EXCITED about!) so I can forget for 3 days. And concentrate on speaking as much German as humanely possible. I love being in Germany, I wish I could take my up-coming speaking C.A. out there, because there's where I speak it the best. It makes me soooo happy being there. Not sure that's an entirely rational reaction to being in another country, but hey!


I think that's it for me.
G'night xx

Dumm Dumm Dumm

Boooooorrrreeeeedddd!
Sitting at home waiting for Grandma to arrive to take me to the orthodontists. I've just emailed in my completed German, which is effectively coursework. But it's over 16 hours late. So whether or not it gets marked is a completely different matter.
I was considering making a start on my P.D. god knows I need to, but then I called Grandma, and she'll be here so soon there's really no point. And here's her car.
Bye
xxxxxx

Two Bad Rehearsals. Two Successfull Concerts. And a generally good day.

This time of year can be a little hectic with Maestros. Luckily my timings didn't work out too badly. Except the choir rehearsal at 10, four hours before anything else (I went home between).
Concert 1 went well. Despite Rosie and Bryony's distress at having to wear the "skirts of shame" because theirs were too short (above the knee's too short apparently :L   ) everything went smoothly. Kat didn't over-stress and everyone was happy.

Seccond concert was great too. I read Ellie's politics textbook (I'm sorry, that's the sort of thing I love) and had to define democracy for Becky *cringe*

I did point out a part of Ellie's book I didn't agree with, though. It said that now, in the 21st Century, "democracy is the policy preferred by all economically developed nations" and I (rather cleverly, I feel) pointed out that China's communist, and it's definitely economically developed.

Moving away from politics, because many people are bored by it - oh no, wait, one quick one. I read one of the paragraphs describing one of the most important aspects of democracy, it said. Anyway, it basically described how in a democratic parliament, the minorities should be, and usually are, represented, so that even minority sectors of the public have their say, and it is important that people ruled by a democracy have this system implemented, or the minority peoples feel they have been betrayed by an unfair system. The entire paragraph basically put up the most amazingly practical argument for why it's so important minority parties get seats in parliament. And basically, why we should have proportional representation! I love proportional representation. I almost thought I'd ask for someone to buy the textbook for me for Christmas, then realised it might be a bit sad...

Oh, I made up with someone who I'd been really upset with today. I'd been ignoring them since Thursday, which was often very awkward, but I'd just been so upset and torn between loyalties to them and to someone else. But anyway, I finally got up the courage and found a quiet place to talk to them. And was soooo glad I did. HUUUGE weight off my shoulders I didn't know was there. I appologised for the blanking, but at the same time, I think I got across my point, and then know I meant it. Love to that person. And love and thanks to a certain other person, who basically gave me the courage to sort it. You two know who you are :)

Night xxx

:)

ah, figured it was time for a really happy post.
but i have nothing to tell you. there's not many reasons i should actually be happy, but i am.
youll just have to take my word for it
xxxxxx

One of my favourite things to do in the world

lie in bed, in pjs and a hoodie, headphones on, music too loud with coffee made from hot milk and instant granules, one sugar, reading crap on the internet, not thinking.
ill deal with everything tomorrow, im warm and comfortable now.
xxxxxx

Breathe in, breathe out

 God, I seem to be in such an angry mood today! I'm sorry. I guess I got off to a bad start this morning (not at midnight, more a bad start when I woke up a few hours after that ;)  ) and haven't quite recovered my good humour yet. The day went a little downhill, tbh.

• Bad start at home.
• Bad journey that I won't go into.
• Stress about Biology ISAs and too much P.D. fundraising in registration.
• Surprise physics ISA (which for me has to count, because I missed last years as before I made the switch) period 1.
• Interform dance problems period 2.
• Spent 1st break in tears.
• Felt patronised in English period 3, when I kept having to ask explanations for words that obviously everyone had known since they were 10.
• Spent second break doing P.D. fundraising without help from someone who seems to think that I don't mind having to lug two huge boxes of products round school myself, because she feels intimidated by our P.D. TEACHER!
• Humiliated by class"mate" in maths period 4.
• Couldn't understand maths period 4.
• Had a go at in History period 5, because I'm missing next lesson to have a brace fitted on Monday. As if it's my fault.
• Crammed into the bus by some fat guy who took the seat next to me when I clearly had too much stuff and was unhappy anyway.
• Cold.
• Good flute lesson.
• 5 minute wait outside in cold for car.
• 10 minute wait in cold area next to door of Maestros for car.
• Not even allowed front seat in car.
• In trouble for not liking cold pasta in a salad.
• Revelation youngest brother's been brainwashed.
• Rant from father because he couldn't be bothered to make tea. 

And that brings me to now. So yeah, not my happiest day ever. At all. And they ask me why and how I let negative emotions build until I tip over at the smallest thing. Maybe if somebody at home actually cared... Or I didn't feel I was burdening my friends every time I had a problem (never their fault, I'm just that kind of person it seems) Maybe then I'd be better at sorting myself out. Maybe.
:(










oh, and if anybody wants to tell me they think I keep a blog for attention, and I just want a reaction. Piss off. This is an emotional outlet of mine, and I try my hardest to keep the depressed posts off here. If I wanted attention through this, I would've posted some much worse stuff than this before now.

Conspiratorialist Scum

For those who are around teaching year 8s who know no better that Global Warming is not a man-made problem, and the contribution through the human race of thousands of tonnes of CO2 emissions every year only make a tiny difference, for christ's sake re-evaluate your ideas.

Fine, go round believing that we are not the cause of what is known as a Global Crisis, and what is going to eventually kill off the human race. But for goodness sake, you're entrusted with the respected role of a school teacher, and the government has given you the task, the parents trusted you with it and the school employed you because they think you're good at it - the task of educating the children of today in a way that allows them to personally evaluate what they themselves believe. If you've been given so much trust, and such a great job of huge value to us, don't you dare go round giving them biased information and twisted statistics.

And stay away from my little brother. Leave him alone. Because I really love him, and I do not want him to become one of these people who goes round with conspiration stories trying to convince everyone that the system is against them, and so forth. Leave him alone. Feed him with the facts, but feed him with the correct, unbiased facts. Give him some actual numbers, and don't go imposing your opinions on him. You are a teacher and it is your job not to persuade, but to inform. There is such a stress from the teachers at my school that they must not, are not allowed to tell us what to think, they only give us the facts. They can tell us what they believe, but they have to balance it and use phrases such as "The sources I beleive in, show... However other sources show...
What teacher, in their right mind, thinks they have the right to brainwash my little brother. Give him the balance, then get him to write a balanced essay concluding with his views, that'll make him think. Otherwise. Leave. Him. Alone.

Ways to Alienate Yourself from the Entire Form

Not that I do it deliberately.
1) Quit interform dance in the middle of a rehearsal

Not that I have anything against interform dance, or just dancing in general, I can just about manage that without looking too stupid. Sort of. What I did have something against was the way in which the rehearsals were being conducted. I'm fine learning a dance, doesn't really matter what your teaching style is, but if you want me to persevere, you can't just shout at me all the time and have nothing to balance it.
I was truly losing my patience all through period 2, which should've been rugby, but was cancelled for dance practice. I'd keep thinking, hey, it's just a dance, I can pull it off. But when I try to have a little fun, not even distracting anyone, just swaying in a little bit of an over the top fashion (we were supposed to be drunk and on a boat...) got me snapped at by a few people. Giggling, the same, not that there's anything wrong with giggling. Then repeatedly shouting at me "Alicia you got that turn wrong" every time we do that bit of the dance, without bothering to explain how to do it right, that pissed me off. Oh, and screaming at the entire form the entire rehearsal isn't a great teaching method, thanks.

So I snapped. Somebody screamed at me to get into my position, I raised my voice a little, telling them to go away. They told me to mind my cheek. I stormed out. I got called a certain something, and was told I was being selfish and they'd have to rearrange it all, I just shouted back I didn't give a *monkeys*. And that was that. Not going back. Almost the entire form hates me,  particularly certain very judgemental people, and I couldn't really care less, because I'm not giving up any more of my free time to go get shouted at and put down. I can have second breaks back now.

2) Try mentioning to your teacher that your parents can't make it to the year 11 consultation (parents) evening without someone who's already annoyed at you scoffing and saying "It's parent's evening"
Not like it's my fault my parents can't be bothered. Literally.

3) Make a joke - that everyone knows is a joke - in front of somebody. They're sure to point out what a hypocrite you are just to make the rest of the maths lesson awkward.



yeeeah.
rant over

Never have I regretted wearing a skirt quite so much as today.

It is absolutely freezing out there. I won't permit it to snow, but everyone says it will. And then laughs in my face when I tell them that actually, snow can't settle unless it's fallen three times previously. They should really trust me more. It's not a scientific fact so much as my personal experience, and I lived in Switzerland for three and a half years, I've had more than a Briton's fair share of snow.
I admit I could be wrong, but I've yet to be proven wrong by my own experience, so until then, I don't want people to tell me I know nothing.

I actually ended up getting the bus home today, to save myself 20 minutes extra walk home. I just don't understand it, it was so much warmer yesterday. So much for global "warming!" (p.s. if anyone tries to correct me on that in some sciencey way, I will ignore them or delete their comment)

I feel I've finally (FINALLY) had a cooking success!!!
>>>Ooh, a nice song just cam on - As You Sleep, Something Corporate<<<
Usually, the oven/stove/microwave manages to defeat me in the battle of the dinner. But today I won, for once. A nice change.
It was tomato soup for tea, because apart from fish and chips, cheese on toast and pasta, that's about all I can cook (and I don't even make pasta sauce myself - I think I've been banned by Sophie, actually, but it's for the greater good). Well aware of how not-filling tomato soup is, I decided (against my better judgement) to make a Spotted Dick (queue stupid giggles) for pudding. Grandma wrote out her recipe for me just before half term, and I felt it was time to make an attempt. I actually got surprisingly good results. Before anyone starts patronisingly telling me making steamed pudding must be too hard for me, and I'd need suet, which isn't vegetarian friendly, I used the microwave and margarine, and it still worked, so there :P

I took a photo, as I do whenever I (rarely) have a food success, because I thought it looked impressive, and my dad won't believe me unless there's actual evidence :D

That's about all in the chronicles of my life ;)
I'm currently having a really happy time, in case you hadn't noticed. Hence overuse of smileys and more regular blog posting than ususual. You must be quite shocked :L

Byebye
xxxxxx

Paying Attention....obviously not my forte :)

As an explanation for the title, I just got off the phone to my mum who's still, repeat still, at work, and realised I had not listened to a word she said. I'm sure I had a perfectly reasonable conversation with her, it lasted about 3 minutes, but I just don't know what about. Oh well, just a few more minutes of my life I'm destined never to remember :)

We had an interesting Biology lesson yesterday. It was second period and we had an ISA exam. Anyway, everyone was stressing about it. There'd been an assembly that meant we couldn't revise during registration. Nobody had the energy after the weekend. I was knackered from a conversation that ended at a late hour, on a certain IM service. Some of us had just had History - not the best way to be woken up first thing Monday morning. Enough said.

Anyway, about ten minutes into the lesson, we realised it was ten minutes into the lesson. And we still didn't have a teacher. Five minutes later, Sherrie was permitted to leave the room (after previously having been banned) to go and find Mrs Oliver, as it was too late for us to do our ISA anyway, we would've needed at least 50 minutes of our hour long lesson. Mrs Oliver, as it turned out, had thought she had a free period, and was sitting in the staffroom. She was most embarrassed and this - for some reason - led her to pick on people who were smiling (which we all were, because our ISA's been moved to Friday :)

Two quotes from that lesson:
1. Mrs Oliver (in a stern, vaguely threatening tone): Stop smiling so much, Leah!
(Class laughs)
2. Mrs Oliver: Ok, who can I ask a hard question? Oh, look, you're smiling, Millie, (class laughs, someone comments she's scared if we're being punished for smiling so much) so what's.....?

Ooh, this leads me onto my favourite quote ever, which I'm afraid I can only give you out of context, because I've forgotten where it came from.
Ruth, in French last year:
"Well I'm just a big jelly"
I will never forget her saying that.

And with that, which you probably didn't find in the least interesting,
goodnight xx

Not really a post. Just a venture.

The sounds of drunken laughter drift up the stairs as I grip my head, tearing at my fringe and trying to figure out that one paragraph. They're still happy, there's been no political debating, let's keep it that way. The sounds of a violin are tearing above all of the noise, it sounds as if the strings are broken, but really the player is unlearned and improvising, the violin out of tune and dismal-sounding after so many years of neglect. But still they're laughing, this laughter is younger, that of boys messing around, trying to find something to do while their parents ponder the cheese course, and which wine to move onto next.

There's always music in this house. And even more of it when these particular guests are over. I sit at the top of the stairs, at my desk, staring at the fish-bowl reflective window in front of me, and wondering when my life will be as simple as that of the people all below me. Eating their cheeses and watching videos on YouTube on the new flat-screen TV. It's 55 inches, arrived Friday. Internet connection, 3D ready, built in HD freeview, connects up to the laptops with their bluray players. Quite the thing to have really.

But it all seems so idle now, silly pleasures that won't last. The atmosphere down there will be forgotten, in time, and replaced with whatever other mood the house has to offer up. At least it's not cold, I couldn't bear that. But then this house so often is that I may as well get used to it.

The paragraph's almost sorted, just one problem sentence in the middle. Sort that and maybe it'll be worth that all important A*, which will also lose importance, as time progresses. Then I can do my ironing. That's a constant. Ironing every week, there will always be some. A little comfort, I guess. Comfort in farmiliarity. Well, I'd better go and do that now, before I fade into the endless fickle night. Maybe they'll argue soon. Who knows.



To make it clear, I've taken some of the events of tonight and stuck them into a fantasy. I'm working on my creative writing skills. This is not what happened or how I felt, in fact, it's been a good night. But that sentence in the film review is still bothering me. :)
Off to watch "Mentalist" now. Simon Baker......

Sixth Form and well...

Today was a shortened school day, with no normal lessons. We had a sixth form induction thing, some of which was really useful, some of which was... well, yeah. The best bit for me was definitely when we were given the opportunity to talk to some current year 13s about A level choices, life in sixth form, etc. without any teachers present. Which meant we could also ask about teachers and they were free to say if they thought a subject wasn't very good. The teachers do the promoting and try to get you to stay at Kendrick, though they say you're totally free to leave if you wish, there are quite a lot of times where you feel an assumption is being made that you will stay. I'm not leaving though.

Then this evening (after being let out at 2.10ish) a group of us went into town and ate at a restaurant called Zizzis, which we got at £10 for two main courses, an amazing price considering without the offer the mains were about £8-£10 each. We decided not to have puddings and went to Krispy Kreme and Starbucks instead.

At 6.30 we returned to school for the Sixth Form Open Evening, which was cool. A lot of it was just Kendrick promoting, aimed at outsiders (as I think of them - really just prospective new girls), but I got a chance to speak to Frau Alderson (my current German teacher, who's really, really good) twice about A level German, and just the language in general. She's promised to set me up with some German books to read, because my idea of reading some children's books and working up isn't going amazingly, as I don't have the vocabulary of a German child, because I don't generally need to know the word for undergrowth or moss in the syllabus. So she's going to get out some more challenging books, but books that will cover the right vocabulary for me. Which I was pleased with. I'm really looking forwards to As and A2 German, it's an amazing subject and I love the teachers.

I've also had a look at Critical Thinking as an A level, and it looks really interesting. I know in some Unis it might not count or whatever, but I like the look of it as a subject, and as it's only an extra, I can easily justify dropping it after As if the workload's too much.

So I think that's going to be Chemistry, Biology (in which I am going to have to force myself to come to terms with the idea that the dissection will help me, the fact that an animal died for it will just be something I have to disagree with and get on with, because Mr Hodge informed me that even after A level, when studying veterinary I will have to do dissection), German, Maths (I'm thinking Statistics, not Mechanics) and Critical Thinking.

Oooh this may be a really boring post for you to read. I apologise. To be honest, if you didn't want to hear about my boring life and my ideas for Sixth Form, there was a clue in the title, so I'm not entirely to blame.
Goodnight,
Alicia xx

p.s. by the way, hi Andrew, who is now following me and (insanely) has managed to read through every single blog archive (for which I respect him, thank him (because I've taken this as a chance to have a look at how my life was working), and also think he may be slightly out of his mind). So yeah, hi there!

At the going down of the sun, and in the morning, we will remember them.

I'm really quite ashamed to say I didn't go to any form of service on Remembrance Sunday, and seeing as the Kendrick "ceremony" only involves two minutes silence during break (shamefully not even kept by a few ignorant year 12s, who walked down the maths corridor chatting without a care in the world) and nothing like the proper chapel assembly followed by Sunday Parade that was compulsory at Pangbourne College (I know, old days, let it go already) I usually feel it's my duty to at least go to church with my grandma. But no, this year was different. And really wrong of me. I don't think war is moral, and I'm pretty convinced the means can never justify the end, but for me Remembrance Day is about remembering how it went wrong, and pondering how it should be prevented, which always leads to a roundabout thought process in which I end up examining how I can be a better person.


Okay, you've had the boring personal bit now. Back to the here and now. I'm sitting in bed, in my newly rearranged room, which I am planning on painting pale blue, thinking about watching the next episode of "Mentalist" which is brilliant (not to mention the main character...) and celebrating the lack of lessons for the rest of this week. Oh yes! ***Sophie, if you are reading this, I just very consciously did not use the forbidden word that will not be mentioned by name, or even spelt out backwards***

No lessons tomorrow because it's the sixth form induction day  (and evening) which means we're in own clothes, start at 9.20, finish at 2.10 (at which point a few of us are going into town to - as Lucy put it - go shopping, mooch around and eat, and go back in the evening with our wonderful parents. Yay.
Then Thursday's inset, followed by Exam Day on Friday. Good luck you hopeful year 6s. Remember, just because you're insane, doesn't mean you won't get in. I mean, look at me, none of my friends would call me normal.


I'm totally ready to watch the next episode of "Mentalist" so I don't have to contemplate how I'm going to need to do my final draft film review on Thursday.
Bye my loves
xxxxxx