Things that will always make life better :)

Warm, fluffy socks.
Hot chocolate.
Snuggly hoodies.
Your friends - ring them, they're clever people.
Dog on your feet.
Sticking your head among the warm washing in a tumble dryer.
Chocolate.
Pancakes.
Being around people you don't know.
Sunshine.
Lying on the trampoline.
Sleep. And if you're not sleeping, being in bed under three duvets - regardless of the weather.
Warm baths. With candles/incense. And good light.
Hugs.
Hugs with dogs.
Lying in the dog's bed with her. But only when you've just washed it.
New clothes.
New earrings.
Old photos.
Old memories.
Big places - cathedrals, beaches, awesome coast. Anything that's just so beautiful and expansive it takes your breath away.
Quotes. Good ones. Or funny ones.

Steer clear of books and music and films and TV. They'll only upset you more, and you'll think that's helping. It's not.

I am ever so happy. Ever so happy.

A Weekend's Thoughts in a Nutshell...

The thing about pain is that it is simply a message stimulated by the nervous system to reach your brain. It has no physical existence, so if you can learn to ignore the neurons transmitting messages of pain, you can learn to ignore pain. That's basic. It's how people before anaesthetic still managed to undergo surgery whilst in full consciousness. Sometimes, the pain is so great that the brain automatically shuts it out. But basically, you don't have to feel it.

So then that begs the question, why does the message of pain even get transmitted in the first place? To which there are two answers. The first is the most scientific, and is that without pain, we would not acknowledge things that needed our attention - for example a broken bone or infected wound. Just as without hunger we wouldn't know to eat, without pain, we wouldn't know something was wrong, and we wouldn't do anything about it. The second reason is more philosophical, and applies more to a pain of emotions, but does also apply to physical pain.  This reason is that without pain, we would not know what it is like to be without it. We would know nothing but comfort, and then comfort could not really be defined as comfort, as there would be nothing worse. You have to have a contrast, a worse situation, to be able to appreciate a better situation. And without being able to appreciate a better situation, how would you ever find enjoyment in anything?

Moral of the story? Pain is good. Or at least, pain is necessary, otherwise we would not know what it was like to feel happy, or painless, or good.

Stealing, Carol Ann Duffy

"...Sometimes I steal things I don't need. I joy-ride cars
to nowhere, break into houses just to have a look.
I'm a mucky ghost, leave a mess, maybe pinch a camera.
I wach my gloved hand twisting he doorknob.
A stranger's bedroom. Mirrors. I sigh like his - Aah..."

My Grandma's house got broken into today. She left at about twelve and came in at 3pm.

"As I drove in round he back I saw the gate swinging open and thought the wind must've blown it loose, because I'm always very careful to close it properly behind me so it doesn't swing and bang the latch. When I got to the back door, I had my key out ready to open it up and saw shards of white plastic lying around. I thought 'That's odd.' It was then that I realised I'd been burgled. I walked around the front and knocked on Beryl's door. She let me call 999."

I hope they catch the bastards.

"They used a spade to get in. They just smashed in the bottom panel of my front door. And then they found the key to the French windows in the dresser in the dining room. That's how they let themselves out."

She looks like she can't even cry. She's got that resigned look, where you've lost something of such great value that you just cannot comprehend quite what's gone. Vacant almost. I've been crying for her.

"They'd been through every bedroom, going through all the drawers and cupboards. They didn't find much money but they took my good jewellery. The necklace your mummy got me for my 70th... a double string of pearls your grandpa bought me for our wedding... seeded pearls he bought me on holiday... that silver necklace I showed you yesterday, in case you wanted to borrow it for prom... It's not that it's worth money, it's that I've had it so long, and it means so much to me... All my good jewellery. They've left me nothing."

And then, a complete afterthought:

"Oh, they took my laptop, by the way. So don't bother sending me any emails. I shan't get them." 

Can't you see that you haven't robbed her of her money, you've robbed her of her memories. She doesn't care for the laptop, probably worth most of all that was taken. Little trinkets, all of value, all given to her for something important. It's not money you're stealing, it's little bits of her life. Don't you people understand that? They were proffessionals, the police said; they knew what they were looking for, they left all the cheap jewellery. They wore gloves; they can't be caught. My grandma. She's only just in her early seventies, but she looked at least another ten years older when she walked into the loungue. And the first thing she said, not "I've lost everything!" No. She asked me how I was.

This is one of the most selfless people I know. She teaches me so much. And you've robbed her of her memories. My poor, lonely Grandma. And you've taken away from her when she had so little to start with. You aren't stealing money. You're stealing her life. What kind of people are you?

"And the strangest thing, they'd taken a box of ham out of the fridge, but they left a slice on top of the freezer by the front door. And another in the dining room. And another on the window sill of my bedroom. If they were hungry, they could've shoved it into their mouths."

And then, my sweet grandma tried to smile,

"Bugger them."

A forced laugh.

"If you'll excuse my French."

 

 

"Even the biggest failure beats the hell out of never trying."

Yesterday evening, they made me play piccolo...

While I do love the piccolo, at home, when there's nobody else in, when I'm feeling particularly ambitious, it is totally unfair how last night went! Well, just this week in general, as far as piccolos are concerned.

On Saturday, my dad revealed to Cathy (whilst at the Garden Party, watching me fail on the alto flute) that I own a piccolo. She told me to bring it to my lesson on Thursday, which I did, with a slighly worried sense of dread. But we didn't have time to play it in my lesson, so I thought I was free... but no. Just as I was leaving Maestros, we walked past John (Training Band conductor) and Cathy thought it'd be a good idea to let him know I had a piccolo. He told me to bring it to band the next day. 

Friday, piccolo in bag, with the intention of keeping it there, I turned up to Mezzos and Bryony immediately declared "Alicia! Is that your piccolo!? Maybe you should play it today!" (because she's such a good friend ;) ) Tess was all set to make me play it, when we decided to merge with seniors, so I was left playing it next to somebody who is actually a bit of a picc god, if I'm honest, feeling a little silly - at least with bass and alto they're low pitched, so nobody hears if you make a mistake. Everyone hears the picc. Cathy said I played well, considering the circumstances. I laughed.

Training Band was less embarassing, due to the fact that nobody can hear you, because the saxs and brass drown everyone else out ;) but still... piccolo D:

At the same time, I do love the piccolo, and now have an incentive to actually practice it, so I don't sound like a fool. Which is all good, I think :S

xxxxxx

That one time of year when the infant school has their summer fair... argh.

I get this every year, for one day, all day. They insist on hiring some guy with a massive microphone and speaker system. His voice is whining through my house... Darnit!
I decided to cover this disturbance up by rediscovering Spotify... which you have got to love, despite this new "only play songs a certain number of times" policy! I mean, seriously?
But whatever, I'm listening to Aqualung :) joy joy joy

Actually, it was the Garden Party today, so I probably ought to mention that... The performances were all fine, even Mezzos! :O
My dad took the opportunity of telling Cathy that I have a piccolo :S so I'll be expected to take that to my lesson on Thursday. Although... piccolo is really fun to play, so if I can learn to play it nicely, that'd be good...
Thursday also, Cathy will lend me her old open-holed flute, to see if I could cope with one - as I'm (probably hopefully) finally getting a silver flute in summer, and we have to decide open or closed holed... So that'll be nice. Nicer than my own anyway.

More about the Garden Party... Uh, I hung out with unusual people, as seems to be becoming customary for me. Tristan was around for a while, who I've never really had a chance to speak to much. Also David Sharman, who I don't really speak to enough either. And then just anyone I could pick up really... I don't know, I just seemed to end up with people I'd never really spoken to much. It was fun. Also Mark was around for some of the time, as were Lucy, George and Stuje. Oh, and Aaron, who's insane at the moment for some reason. He felt the need to dance about and sing... weirdly. But anything goes around me these days, if I'm perfectly honest.

I need to go, because we're going out for dinner later.
Bye xxxxx

Try not to see a black dot, but a big white area around it.

http://www.demotivation.us/best/life/filter_all/try-not-to-see-a-black-dot-1247877.html

If I got it right, it's telling us we shouldn't dwell on the bad things in life, we should look at the good all around them too, and see that there's always going to be something trying to ruin that good, but the good will always be there. Or something...

Collection of Thoughts

I keep starting posts with nothing to say, writing a single line and exiting. They've all collected in my 'Drafts' box so I'm copying and pasting.

Where would the world be without text messages...?

Facebook... would you stop emailing me when I ask you to?!

Fear of webcams slowly subsiding... AND THEN LUCY GOES AND TELLS ME SHE'S ALWAYS PARANOID HERS IS STILL ON. WHAT IF SOMEONE'S WATCHING ME THROUGH MINE RIGHT NOW!?


Let's pretend I didn't nearly miss my French exam because I was so absorbed in revising Biology this morning... Keep pretending... Mrs Holden has yet another reason to hate me.

Speaking of which - NO MORE FRENCH! D: <-- face of distress

When I should be revising, all I feel like doing is going out and sleeping in the sun. When I should be sleeping, all I want to do is revise. When I'm out in the sun, I'm wishing I was revising. THERE IS NO WINNING THIS.

Would whoever moved the bus stops in Reading kindly put them back now?!

Oh... I am feeling a little fear of Biology results...

Where would the world be without sixth formers...? Where are we going to be without them next year!?

I need to re-watch Peter Pan.

And other Disney movies...

THE LION KING.

Right. I'm sure if I'd bothered to go on and actually write full posts every time I thought something random, they'd actually be vaguely interesting. But evidently my mind wants to do its own little thing... Sorry.

No more lessons until September! Just the small matter of GCSEs then... :L

I'm having some thoughts. They are really quite angry thoughts. Again, they've stemmed from Biology revision. Stem cells...

I happen to be for stem cell research. If we can develop a way in which embryonic stem cells can be conditioned to the point where they may cure someone of paralysis, then I'm all for it. As long as it doesn't involve killing. Which it doesn't. (Well not technically speaking, but I'll explain.) This is where I start getting annoyed.

It is my belief that you should not take life for food; I don't think it's justified.

However, when posed with the fact that plants are alive, and I eat vegetables, I am quick to point out that plants are not conscious, that is, capable of thought.

Then there are those who argue that because an embryo cannot give permission, using it for research or treatment of others is a violation of its human rights. These people argue that an embryo, a mere group of CELLS, no less, has human rights. According to my reasoning, which I stand by, it is more than justifiable to use embryonic stem cells. They are not conscious/capable of though; and in that respect are no different to a plant cell. How can an embryo have rights, when plant cells certainly don't? And how is it, that some of these same people, are then okay with eating an animal that has been reared and then killed for the purpose of nothing more than food, even though the nutrients provided by meat can be found from other sources. This is a source of much frustration. Fine. Eat meat. But do not argue that you shouldn't do embryonic research, which can provide cures for so many thousands of people, all of whom would otherwise have no prospect of a better quality of life, is unjustified because it is a violation of human rights.

I know that there are many people against embryonic research for other reasons, and I realise I havn't really accounted for that, so I should probably mention that not all people against embryonic research are (in my opinion) hypocrites. Some of them even have very valid arguments, which I will not bore you by countering here. But yeah. Embryonic research. Good thing. ;) xxx

Well, it's been a while...

And I've returned to my blog. It's really a good place to be. :)
Let's see, what have I been up to recently?
Last weekend I went on DofE with Rachel, Rhianna, Rob, Louisa and Andrew. So that took up some time (3 days to be precise.) It was great fun and I'm looking forward to the expedition. However, we will have to make sure we don't attempt to walk over 15km per day, because by the second day particularly, we were just too knackered (we had 18km planned.) When you're working these things out on a map, you really don't have a clue what it's going to be like walking that route, with a heavy bag (about 16+kg I think) and aching feet. It was definitely worth it though. The first night, Rob, Louisa, Andrew and I slept out of our tents, under the stars - so to speak. That was such a cool experience. We played 'truth or dare' until about 11 (what happens on truth or dare, stays on truth or dare, I'm afraid) and then chatted for a while, and then tried to sleep (less easy for some of us as a certain someone snored :P ) Uhm, on the second day we walked right by Sophie's house, which was completely unexpected. The campsite was lovely and had amazing showers! Then the third day we ended up in Midgham - a place where Rachel and I had to keep our heads down, having previously insulted the entire Midgham population, whilst going through it on the train.
It was totally knackering, and that night I slept 14 hours, went to Mapledurham Craft Fair with Grandma, and then went home and slept a further 3 hours at about 2 in the afternoon... Then revision :/

I'm actually finding that I'm losing the energy to revise. I figure I'll have to start revising somewhere that's not home, because at home I can just make excuses. I need to figure this one out - either stay at school for several hours (not really an option because they close the library) or find a library. Definitely something.

Right, so I've covered Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. That was the weekend of the *flinches* royal wedding...  Then that Tuesday I didn't go to school either, because I had an operation on my mouth. Uhm, sumarising points... Well firstly, I would've paid to hear someone ask me a new question, or tell me something new about my op. It's only, what, the 7th time of hearing the same information and the same questions that you get bored... Secondly, general anaesthetic HURTS. Sort of. It hurts when they're putting it into your arm. I watched, because I'd rather know what's going on, but they tried to shield it from me >:(

Then waking up - that was an interesting experience. I have vague memories of not being able to open my eyes, thrashing about in the bed LOTS, crying my eyes out, ripping the blood pressure thing off my arm, being told to calm down and telling them I WAS calm, making a nurse give me a hug, and needing to spit a lot. They must've loved me in the recovery ward. ;) Apparently I had five different types of painkiller in my system though, so who can blame me?

Then while still slightly anaesthatised I sent some texts (not advisable) which I believe were rather over-affectionate, and incomprehensible, but hey, what can I say? The drugs actually took a long time to wear off, so I continued to be over affectionate and slightly dopey through Wednesday, which was the day we did some filming for Sex Trafficking Awareness. So this involved going around school with two video cameras in a too-short skirt and extremely low cut top and some borrowed heels a size too big for me... The looks we got :L It's okay though, because it's all for a good cause. I only feel sorry for Roseanne, whose lap I apparently took it upon myself to sit on, whilst dressed so inappropriately. My bad. *I actually have no memory of this.*

I think that's probably it for now. I'm very bored of practice papers, very bored of school, and in general having frequent exam-panics... nine days... But otherwise, all is well, and I had an amazing band session last night (got to see everyone from tour :D ) even though Becca abandoned me for a Vietnam meeting -.- (I joke, no grudges held)
Bye bye
Alicia
xxxxxx

"So if the answer is no, can I change your mind?" =) Killers

The Easter holidays are almost over, and with them are going my endless days of revision! :D I cannot tell you of my joy at the prospect. True, I'll be revising every evening, probably, and most of my lessons will be revision, or a mad dash to finish the syllabus ;) but I think I'll make it.

I have to thank all of my friends for their texts, facebook messages, and even a letter :D this Easter; without the constant support, laughs and general good humour provided by these, you might find that my mental health had rapidly deteriorated as my brain turned into ever more mushy mush. I am so glad I got facebook back!

Also getting me through revision, have been Killers and various other bands, including Aqualung, many of whom had been forgotten totally for such a long time! It really is astounding how good music can make a world seem so much brighter.

*smiles*

Good luck year elevens everywhere, but most importantly the ones I know ;)

Don't panic.

Alicia

xxxxxx

"This is not the time to wonder why, 

Just let the heart and mind,

Be still for just some time." 

Aqualung 

An Exert from the AQA Biology Textbook

"Veal crates are one of the most extreme ways of rearing animals to reduce energy losses. They are narrow, solid-sided wooden boxes used for rearing calves to produce veal. They are so narrow that calves cannot turn round. They are fed an all-liquid, iron-deficient diet to produce pale, white meat. The calves are slaughtered at 4 to 6 months old having never seen the light of day. Veal crates were banned in the UK in 1990, but they are still used in Europe. They will be banned there from 2007."

Granted the textbook is a couple of years out of date, but eugh. This just made me sick.This happens to all animals. There aren't enough regulations in place to stop it. People just get away with keeping animals in these appalling conditions all the time.








And that, my friends, is why I do not eat meat.

Tour

I have literally just had the BEST weekend.

Playing Irish snap. Laughing at Nick and Ellie. Laughing at people who can't count to ten while playing snap. Drunk German guys flirting across tables via beer-coaster mail. Talking to drunk German guys. Talking to polite German girls. Playing with the Düsseldorf Under 16s Orchestra. Getting a standing ovation. Being confused about when to stand up and when to sit down in concerts. Walking onto concerts CORRECTLY! :D Sitting on the bottom of the bus with Roseanne and Emma. Being mothered by Roseanne and Emma. Having in-depth discussions about war, the death penalty, alcohol, drugs etc. with Aaron and co. Revising History with Roseanne and Toby. Eating too many strawbery lances. Eating too many Babybells. Eating too many Fox's fruit sweets. Eating too many Jammy Dodgers. Eating too many Maltesers. Eating too much crap. Giving spare junk food to conductors. Forgetting my black top & panicking that I'll have to do a concert in black trousers, shoes, socks, and my white top. Borrowing a black top. Getting homesick. Calling home. Feeling better. Waking up way too early. Wandering round the hotel at 5am on Saturday. Sitting in the lobby talking to Laurence at 6am on Sunday. Missing home again. Going home. Getting stuck in traffic. Going through the Netherlands. Laurence translating Dutch signs. Playing translation games with Laurence (and Leah, occasionally). Being called geeks. Laughing anyway. Boat trips on the Rein. Writing in the tour comments book. Correcting grammar in the tour comments book. Being called geeks again. Listening to music too loud in the hotel room. Hanging out in Bryony and Emma's room. Getting Bryony out of bed. Stealing Bryony and Emma's room key. Using Bryony and Emma's room key to steal and hide their stuff. Hiding Bryony and Emma's room key down my bra. Having it removed from my bra by Bryony. Recovering from the trauma. Sitting by the fountain. Taking pictures by the fountain. Taking pictures of Laurence and Rosie asleep on each other. Sleeping on Laurence. Reading German newspapers, magazines and leaflets with Laurence. Talking about languages. Talking about History. Giving summaries of the entire Cold War for Rosie. Missing home again. Calling each others' hotel rooms. Laughing down the phone. Crying down the phone. Calling random room numbers. Calling Jacob South-Klein by accident. Laughing with Jacob South-Klein. Screaming at Jacob to shut up on the coach. Trying to get him to do a sponsored silence. Losing our back seats to some "ugly string players" (quote from Laurence.) Stealing our seats back. Getting kicked out of our seats again by John. Getting told to shush on the coach by Rhiannon. Laughing at John's Krusty the Clown laugh. Getting over the border. Being sad to be home but happy too. Listening to the conductors' conversations. Realising how much effort Rhiannon has put into this trip. Realising she thinks it was worth it. Buying presents for the conductors on the ferry. Finding all 66 people on the trip to sign the present. Getting Nick to count the signatures. Again. And again. And again. Announcing a thank you and giving the present to the conductors over the coach Tannoy system. Trying not to cough over the Tannoy system. Applauding the conductors. Loving everyone. Going on Tour. Getting SO many AMAZING memories. Trying to sum them up. Sharing photos on Facebook. Wanting to be back in Germany. Smiling. Thinking of new friends, and the success that was tour.

:')

Lent and such things

Having made the resolution not to do anything for Lent until after my P.D. deadline, I now find myself having to stick to that resolution. Therefore, I have taken up my music practices every day (except Friday and days when I have lessons), which I have recently neglected, and, additional to this, I have taken up going out for a run with Toby (hopefully more or less) daily - dependant on when I get home, and also excluding Fridays. Today, I put my resolutions into practice, with the result that, at 21.30, I had done everything I needed to, and was entirely ready for bed, not to mention ready for sleep, because I have exhausted myself - which I have realised was my principal aim, subconsciously. I then, of course, did the stupid thing and consulted Facebook, and my blog, and now, I will go to bed. Ish. One more Facebook - I have a notification...
Goodnight
xxxxxx

All nearly over :)

Since my ski holiday, I have literally been working non-stop on my P.D. and I could swear until today, I was sure at every step of the way that I would not have it done on time (it's due Friday). If I have said I was up to my ears in something before, I must have had a misplaced sense of where my ears are. My ears, in this instance can be found above my head, and in most others can be found on my ankles. That is the difference between this and any other deadline. The end is finally in sight, and I just wrote a list of what's left to be done on my folder, and what's left to be done on my practical and it has all fit on one piece of paper! This is a definite first (because I gave up making lists, as they were always too long and made me depressed).

Last night I had one of my weirdest dreams ever. It seems they're with me to stay; this is about the third strange dream in as many days. Unfortunately last nights was not nearly as amusing as the other two. I kept waking up to shout at the invented characters in my dreams, who were laughing at me and my misery about P.D. and to scream at other characters, also invented, and tell them that 'No, I wasn't okay, and I wasn't going to be. I was going to be permanently damaged by the stress of this project.'
As I said, one of my weirder dreams.

In a strange way, Friday can't come soon enough for me. I'm still not finished, but as soon as it comes it doesn't matter if I've finished, because I can't change it. Others will have taken it out of my hands and there won't be any point even thinking about this last hellish month any more. So, Friday, bring it on.

Also, I think we're having a celebratory dinner/lunch out together on Sunday, which is my motivation to keep moving forward, no matter what. And plus I might get my hair cut Saturday. Oh,and red nose day. I simply cannot wait. All that's left to do is think of something beginning with 'C' or 'R' to dress up as, in the spirit of Comic Relief.
xxxxxx

Ipod Therapy

Ipod Therapy - according to the official dictionary of Alicia-world
Listening to your ipod too loud (i.e. on full volume) in a warm, dark (or dim) place (i.e. a bed or sofa with low lighting) pretending that there's nothing wrong and ignoring usual stresses. Something Alicia has lapsed into recently (whilst on holiday in Italy pretending she didn't have P.D. she should've been doing at that moment in time) and has no intention of stopping.
Who said music couldn't soothe the soul. And warm feet. Obviously.
Alicia xx

A Recipe For a Great Weekend

1. Friends
2. Good films
Okay, admittedly, that is a little strange. Meh. I've had a good weekend; I'm excused from weirdness. Lucy's house last night for a sleepover. Martha and Sophie were there, Becca turned up for a couple of hours, and obviously there was Lucy, and me. We were all generally very sociable, as we usually are at such events. We talked for a long time, had pizza (the most ginormous pizza in the history of the world - it was from Costco) then profiteroles, and then lots and lots of toffee popcorn, some crisps, a pear (I really needed that pear), we played music from peoples phones, and so on. After Becca had left, we watched Moulin Rouge, which was fabulous! I am very impressed by Baz Luhrmann. That is an amazing film. Very impressed. We talked for a while after that, and then at some point went to sleep, having wrestled  mattresses into the room (well, Lucy wrestled, we watched).

Then this morning Sophie woke me just before 10.20 and we speed changed at top speed, before my grandma arrived to take us into town (because she's a lovely person).
Upon arriving in town, I met with a couple of friends and we went to the cinema. It was nice, because I've never met up with them specifically before, and despite the rain, and my forcing them to come around lighting shops to let me take pictures for coursework, I had a good time, I don't know if the same can be said for the other two...

I've been at home since then doing P.D. and rediscovering my Spotify playlists :D I love these Spotify, I just wish it was available on my ipod constantly. I'd live off it. Particularly Switchfoot at the moment. I like them a lot...
Anyway, I'm going back to my world of MSN and texting and music now,
Goodnight xx

Returning to my Routines

It's true you know, that no matter what, we always end up going back to what we're used to. I've had no homework for months, and my work schedule's been all over the place; loads in the holidays, little for the first three weeks of term, then back to homework again. I'm back to practicing my instruments in the evenings, doing my homework, all that stuff. And I'm happy in it. We get the odd irregularity, which is essential in making our lives interesting, but otherwise, I'm back to normal.

Am slightly stressed about Douai on Saturday. I'm going to end up singing the Mozart without having heard what the accompaniment is like, but luckily the stuff we're playing in Mezzos can't go wrong - it's too simple. I do need to get hold of a black blouse though. That could be a tough one... I have Ali's offer, which I can always fall back on if needs be.

My mocks have gone OK. I'm happy with how I'm doing. School is average. I had a sleepover on Saturday which everyone could make (Ruth couldn't sleepover but was there 'til around 10 anyway). Mummy cooked spinach and ricotta cannelloni, and a mushroom risotto, and made a raspberry bomb for pudding. Everyone brought a contribution to the junk food we consumed and it was a good sleepover. Very enjoyable. Anyway, I'm off now.
Bye.
xxxxxx

Mozart....should be shot

I just spent two hours on my flute practice. Which left my flute in a disgusting mess, for one thing. The condensation was coming out of the end as well as the thumb key (the end is usual, the thumb key is just weird). For another, I now have suuuch stiff shoulders, my lips are sore, and my back hurts from standing up for too long. Dammit. My practice usually lasts half an hour to fourty-five minutes, today I spent fourty-five minutes on a two line passage that had completely eluded me. On the bright side I can now play it (although I havn't figured out a place to breathe yet, which is sort of essential.)

Speaking of breathing, something Kat said in choir today made me laugh thinking of past flute lessons. When I first started lessons with Cathy, I wasn't too amazing at breathing in much air when I took breaths, which led to me taking breaths every two bars and failing in general. Today, Kat was yelling at us to breathe before she brought us in because "YOU CAN'T SING IF YOU DON'T BREATHE!!" (I should point out she wasn't quite that angry, just exasperated, and this kind of yelling was the kind you're allowed to laugh at) and it just made me flash back to flute lessons when Cathy would shout (in the same, non-angry way) "YOU HAVE TO BREATHE! If you don't breathe, you will die, and I don't want that on my conscience!!" Or words to that effect. Ahh, the problems I have. Maybe I should take an advanced course in breathing, then everything would be sorted. Damn....
Anyway, back to wasting my life away on the internet :D
xxxxxx

Ave ave verum corpus blahhhhblaaahhaaah

i.e. the latin song I love ;) Well, it'd be OK if the alto part was not so incredibly low, we didn't have only two more weeks to learn it in and, oh, it was sliiightly more interesting instead of being on the same note for the first three lines (and IN LATIN!!!). But then again, those are the rewards of being an alto ;)

I had a fun day at the hospital shop today. Which is weird, because usually it's incredibly boring (because it's basically dead most Saturdays, clearly nobody had the courtesy to be ill or give birth today). But there was a sale today (yes, in a convenience store) and Dan got hold of the 99p Connect 4 which you can hardly say no to, on a Saturday afternoon. It was quite entertaining, and when it got to 4 games to 3 (with him winning, shockingly) he decided winner of the next game takes all (because it was getting late) so naturally, I won, and am the champion. :P this is the product of my Saturday afternoons.

All my written exams are over now, only the P.D. practical left, which I am sooo stressed about, but Chazza is trying to calm me over it. She speaks sense mostly. I'm so glad mocks are nearly over; maybe I'll get a full night's sleep now. Plus next week is Week B, so I have exams Monday, day off Tuesday (Lucy's coming over) and then dos day Wednesday and Thursday, and then Friday. Thank the lord for dos days!

Anyway, I'm going to go watch some episodes of Friends, because I'm that cool.
Bye xx

"Worse than the ordinary miserable childhood is the miserable Irish childhood, and worse yet is the miserable Irish Catholic childhood,"

The first line of Angela's Ashes, for which I will not even attempt to write a review. It's been sitting on the DVD shelf for years, with the dreaded "15" stamp on it that meant I couldn't watch it with my brothers around, which meant I could not watch it. But I'm glad I didn't find the chance until tonight. I wouldn't have been able to appreciate it at all had I watched it before. I watched it with my dad, and obviously I cried, and I am recommending it to anyone aged 14 and upwards, but I wouldn't watch it too early, or the film will lose it's effect.

Other events of note, that I guess I really should document, that is the whole point of me having both a blog and a diary (which I seldom use).

Well, there was the conversation we had at tea tonight, in which we discovered that Daddy has taken almost every drug imaginable, and while I'd love to recount the conversation in great depth, it'd give me more pleasure to just take out a couple of bits. Firstly, Barney.

Barney says in a way that makes it sound extremely daring "Daddy, have you ever used a filter"

Daddy laughs it off, replying "Of course I have!" then seriously adds, "They're called roaches, by the way."

At which point I burst into laughter because he's correcting his 12 year old son's drug limbo. 

Then, later.

One of the three of us asks, "Daddy, do you think Mummy's done drugs?"

"Most certainly not!"

And after the talk of drugs, while watching Angela's Ashes at a point relevant to the film, he turned to me and said "You know, I think Mummy had to do Scottish dancing. When we're on holiday we'll get Auntie Karen drunk and ask her about everything Mummy did, it'll be funny"

I have such a responsible father.

Anyway, goodnight xx

"Too much of anything is too much"

That's a lyric but I've no idea where from.

I seem to be in some kind of fruit juice/squash, cereal bar and exam fuelled hyper-drive which is going to see me crashing down seriously badly at some point. I'm hoping after the 17/18th. Then I can use it to get through my exams.
Weird. I'm either overworking myself or working insufficiently, and I have no way of controlling which I do. I could revise for four hours straight without a break, and then have a shower, get into my pyjamas and sit on my bed for another two hours. Or I find myself watching endless Friends episodes and generally staring at the ceiling wasting my time and do no work at all, while in the back of my mind something's going "you're cheating yourself you know" but it's a weird voice like witches in the pantomime use, so I tend to ignore it and dismiss it as the more ridiculous half of my brain - when really the more ridiculous half is the half telling me what I'm doing is fully deserved.

I keep coming out of exams just wanting my results. I never really found the build up too bad. Controlled Assessments have me tearing my hair out for French and sometimes even for German Writing, but exams usually I just revise, go in, work, shake out my hand, work and walk out just wanting to know if I really did do my best. The worst time for me is waiting to know. Irritating part of the process. I'm going to be awful in June, waiting over a month for my results...
Anyway, I'm going to watch an episode of Friends because tonight I've been in an over-work state, and then re-read my French Writing and go to bed. Or maybe skip the Friends episode all together. Whatever.

Goodnight xx

Rumm num num num num num *and further motor car related noises*

Exams exams exams.
I have a corner of my room dedicated to exams. Not because I think they deserve a corner, but because I need my exam stuff to not clutter my entire room so I'm constantly reminded of them. In my corner is a pack of biros, a 30cm ruler, a maths set, some new pencils, and a letter from Becca, which just makes me happy and makes revision seem more or less worthwhile.

Biology 1 and 2 and English Language tomorrow. So no big stress. Plus I get to go home at about 12 I think. I'm loving this idea of study leave, especially since Toby had four days more holiday than me this year. I'm getting hours off school to make up for it, I think. That's the mindset anyway.

I will go and do two hours of revision later. But first I'm watching some crap (not crap, I love it) on the internet and making a call or two.

Bye xx

Long Time, No Talk :)

Ooh, look, it's my blog, I'd almost forgotten this little place in my mind :)

So Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, Good Wishes and all that. Smile, it'll make things better.

I got an email from Larisa today, and realised I'd neglected her a little. For those of you that don't know (everyone I think), Larisa came over from Romania with some trip Toby's school was putting on, what was it, last summer? The summer before? Anyway, since then she's been emailing me, and I've been (inconsistently) returning those emails. Her English is amazing considering she's only 13 (I think) and such a little mouse. Which can sound belittling but what I mean is she was just so quiet and shy and lovely and slightly terrified when she stayed with us.

Uhm, Christmas was good. Christmas Eve :) Christmas Day :L Boxing Day(s - yes all three of them) :) We had the relatives over 24th (Grandma only) and 25th till 26th, 27th we visited Gwen (my paternal Grandma - if that's what you call it) and took Grandma with us. They got on really well, it was quite sweet. Cute, really. I've been having a good holiday. New Year was alright. New Year's Day we had a party and the Moffats (family from sailing - sometimes referred to as Kalithea)  came over, along with some other people. Us kids watched T.V. in the lounge, and at the end the Moffats (who were the last left) were offered some 3D glasses to watch "Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs" on 3D Blu-ray, the player and sets of glasses were a Chrismas present/reward for Barney's hard work.

Have been revising hard for my mocks, which is at times a bit of a downer, but necessary and hopefully worth the hard work and sacrifice. I'm rewarding myself with the occasional Friends or Mentalist episode :) dotted with Desperate Housewives which I don't love, but it's entertaining. I hate revising P.D. - that was today's subject. Awful stuff, the only subject I'm seriously stressing about. Oh, and German Writing, but that's more because it doesn't count, so I'm not sure I'll bother preparing for it. It's like a practice controlled assessment, with no dictionary and about half as many words. Maths tomorrow - great joy!

Anyway, I'm going to bed, because my parents noticed I'm tired beyond belief today, so I'm planning on working on that before exams start.
Goodnight xx