This is not going to work!
I'm sorry, but Perla has been here since Sunday night, on Monday, we took her into town, to show her around. Fail. I'm sure she still has no idea what is where. Or even where the bus stop I specifically pointed out to her is.
Yesterday morning, Daddy got out Barney's home maths textbook and started explaining to Perla that every morning, Barney must do one hour of maths. In very simple terms. Then started saying things like "Barney must do maths. He want get into Toby's school. Toby's school very good. Barney must study for exam (accompanied by frantic writing motions) to go to Toby's school. He left the room, satisfied that he's conveyed (NEW WORD) his message effectively. Fail. She turned to me and, pointing at the book said "This? For Barney?" I'm sorry, but fail. This morning, she asked "What time, turn?" after several repeats, Barney sussed the meaning (what time will you all return from school).
Me: Barney?
Barney: I come home, at four ten.
Perla nods
Me: Toby and Me (point at each person) get a train. Train arrives at four. You must come to station at four. Collect us.
Luckily Sam was on the train. We got a lift with her at five past four, looking out for our car on the way home. No sight of it. We got home to find Perla still there, not even contemplating leaving. This is bad. What about the days when there's no Sam? Or we get separate trains? Then, in the kitchen, I got my yoghurt (because that's just what I do when I get home), and he had a pile of washing. She asked me if she ironed my skirt. She asked if she ironed my jeans. She didn't ask if she should iron my hoodie. I separated my clothes (that didn't need ironing) from the boys' boxers (yes, ick. at least they were clean) and went upstairs. Returning to retreive my yoghurt, I noticed that the jacket potatoes are already in the oven. Wrapped in foil, something I've never seen before, and if it means they don't get a crispy skin, I may cry. But I was surprised, because I know jacket spuds take ages. But not that long. It was only ten past four. I checked the timer. They're going to be ready for five. First of all - I swear jacket spuds only take 30 to 40 minutes, not the 50 remaining when I got in. Second - we eat at five thirty. Earliest. And I'm pretty sure Barney's tutor, David, is coming today, so that would mean we need to eat at closer to 6.30.
I've decided not to interfere. Who knows, she may know what she's doing. Doubt it, but we'll "cross that bridge when we come to it" (thank you Becca xx).
We also have the issue that she appears unable to tell the past, present and future tense apart. That's bad. Very bad. Oh, and everyone is referred to as "you". If she wants to say "He went upstairs to get his coat" you get "You went upstairs to get his coat" often you can tell what she means. Sometimes - the crucial times - you can't.
This is probably not going to work out. We have some vital communication issues. And frankly, if some idiot goes and jumps on the tracks at Didcot Parkway again (it's been done so many times. it's been done recently. it means all the trains towards Oxford - my train - get cancelled for 3 or 4 hours) I do NOT want to be stranded in Reading Station because she's at Tilehurst. Or at home, expecting to collect us the next day.
This is a bad idea. Congratulations, Mother. Yeah, you're right, she can't be deceptive. But she can't UNDERSTAND US ANYWAY!
Oh jeez. I'm going to go do some more History homework.
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